Krakow, Poland

Absinthe party at the fly honey warehouse!!!

That's right, I said absinthe. The real stuff. The wormwood content being measured in mg/L. We were drinking 30mg/L last night. It was called Mr. Jekyll. I love my life. This blog is going to be as disjointed as our night was.

The absinthe den that our hostel is situated next door to:
I don't even know what it's called. The decor is late 1800's Victorian era. Smoke filled. Dim lighting. Chandeliers that only partially work. Playing 30's jazz music. Nana-style hand crocheted table cloths. Did I mention the ABSINTHE!!!

About three drinks in, we're already walking the line of sanity. Kaare is wearing the biggest shit eating grin I have ever seen on his face. Before anyone gets excited, there were no hallucinations. But definite craziness.

Around now we meet Cameron and Pol. Cam is from Texas. My favourite part of running into Americans is telling them that Steven Colbert is running for president. They lose their minds. Pol (I think his real name was Luke) is originally from Krakow, but moved to the States at age 9 to go to school. Now he's living in Krakow again with his wife and little girl. Cam was just on a week long trip to visit him. Pol is short for Poland. The same way we call Alex: Alabama.

Another absinthe and we're off to the jazz bar. Downstairs, WWII brick basement. Real jazz. Upright bass, keyboard, trumpet, sax, and guitar. On the way, Pol teaches us Polish phrases. Don't remember any of them. We must have walked 2km to get to this bar. Pol kept saying it was close. We drink Polish beer. We have no idea how to get back to our hostel. We meet some cats from Dublin, and one guy from Ontario. I think his name was Rick. Don't know what happened to Rick. Pol is fuckered and, for some God unknown reason, in charge of leading us around.

The set is over, 2:30am. We embark on an epic journey to find kebabs. Kebabs appear to be a favoured Polish fast food. If you've listened to the Patton Oswald sketch about putting all your favourite foods in one bowl, mashing them up, and shoving them down your throat, then you have an idea of what kebabs are. A piece of bread topped with meat, cabbage (lots of cabbage), pickles, and occasionally some vegetables. Between perogies and kebabs, I'm pretty sure we've both gained about 10lbs.

3am. We do not find kebabs. However, we do find another bar. Kaare and I have run out of money at this point. Cam is buying our drinks. I set out from the bar to find an ATM.

3:30am. I am completely, utterly, and hopelessly lost. I have no idea how to find the guys or the bar or our hostel. I decide to wander aimlessly until sunup when I will be able to find an open store that can hopefully sell me a map.

3:45am. As I am wandering aimlessly, I notice that I am walking past the bar where the guys are. No word of a lie. I join up with them again, and we decide to head home. Pol and Cam are nice enough to walk us back to our hostel, as we literally have no idea where it is.

4am. We are lost again. Kaare and Pol are both way to drunk to read the map. Not lying about that. They actually can't figure out which way is up. They start talking to some random dude walking by. I start skipping off on my own, some how figuring that if I just walk, I will eventually find the hostel. This is a bad idea. Kaare and Pol send Cam to make sure that I don't skip off into some dark alley and get murdered. Kaare says that at this point I was making out with Cam. I don't believe him. I have photographic proof that Kaare was trying to make out with Cam. So who do you believe? The absinthe affected opinions of one man, or my solid photographic proof? Probably both.

Noon. Today. We have slept through breakfast. Kaare is in a very bad state. I have no idea how we got back to the hostel. I did somehow manage to take out my contacts, put my money belt under my pillow, and put my pajamas on (backwards). I have now drank about 2L of juice. My brain hurts.

And now it's 3pm! I'm blogging, Kaare is captain puking (hopefully not on my bed, but I'm too scared to look), and I'm about to go explore Krakow!

Morbid fact of the day: We are going to Auschwitz tomorrow. I feel strange about turning one of the most devastating and horrifying places in history into a tourist attraction. But as we are so close, I feel that we can't miss it. I think it's going to be a very sobering experience. The museum doesn't allow people 14yrs and younger. Keenan wouldn't be able to go. Scary.

Quote of the day:
Kaare: if Krakow was a video game, it would be Castlevania.