Saturday, 21 March 2009

"Joe Joe Laaa...

...why did he say he was on a boat?"

Cutest thing in the whole wide world? Yuki Chen.

Yuki likes to buy things that have absolutely no purpose other than cuteness. When I asked Joe (as seen above) what to get Yuki (also seen above...hence why I added the picture) for her birthday, his response was, "Something cute." Yes Joe, but what function should it have? "The less functional, the better." La.

Yuki is the instigator of La, that wonderful Cantonese word thrown in at the end of random sentences, vaguely similar to "eh?". But it's less of a question and unquestionably more adorable, specifically when it comes from Yuki. Yuki could make the word 'genitalia' sound adorable. In fact, she did.

Last night Kaare, Carly and I wanted to borrow a movie called Pirates (yes, that one) from Joe. We had spent most of the night watching art-house porn which, it turns out, is much more disturbing than you'd think and we were overwhelmed, so the hunt for regular porn began. Through a series of lazy events, we ended up at Joe and Yuki's apartment dressed only in sarongs. Well...Kaare wore a t-shirt and I wore some pants, but there definitely wasn't underwear involved. Carly was wearing all her clothes. She's more industrious.

Upon arrival, Kaare decided that he needed to share some wonderful youtube discoveries with Joe. One is called "I'm on a Boat" and is from those wonderful Lonely Island guys! Check it...

This video spawned the opening comment of my blog today.

The next video, called "Show Me Your Genitals" needed a bit of a definition. It was eventually defined as "that thing of Kaare's which is only seperated from your chair at this moment by a thin layer of fabric". I think she may have bleached the chair after we left.

Needless to say, we eventually forgot the porn there and went home to watch a Chinese movie involving a horse penis transplant, a Buddhist master and a flute. Yuki suggested the movie.

If you don't know Yuki, you need to. She's probably one of the coolest people I know.


Quote of the Day:

Actually not from Kaare for once. Amazing, no?

"I need to be less professional so I have time to get in more fights."


Saturday, 14 March 2009

Fashions With No Fashion

What's worse than speedos?

The collective fashion of the entire country of China.

Minus Shanghai, obviously. One pair of jeans in Shanghai is worth more than a pair of fake breasts anywhere else. You don't even want to know the price of fake breasts.

But other than that, the fashion of this country is beyond astounding. Take, for instance, Mickey Mouse. Yes, you read that right, Mickey Mouse. Now what's wrong with him? Jeeze, I dunno. Why don't you ask the 44-year old business woman over there who's wearing a pair of stilettos emblazoned with his visage? She doesn't see anything wrong with him. Neither does the Disney Store Lingerie Shop. No, I'm not joking. How happy would you be to strip a woman down only to find Goofy staring back at you?

Now, I'm not usually one for rhetorical questions, but I'm sure you've come to realize that this rant is full of them. It's the thing we like to call 'elicitation' in Wall Street English jargon. It basically means that we try to get people to think for themselves, partly because it helps them learn better and partly because we're lazy.

Now, isn't this what we tried to do by initiating a Vogue China, a Cosmopolitan China, a GQ China, a Flare China? Didn't we say, "Hey China, you seem to have organized yourself fairly well over the last ten years, I bet that you'll be able to come out with some amazing fashions if we just leave you to your own devices!"


Point in case, glasses with no glasses. Again, I'm not joking.

Now...wait a minute...can you hear it? What's that sound? Is that the sound of my soul screaming in defeat and shame? Why yes, yes it is.

Yup, that's me wearing glasses with no glass.

The look on my face is one of utter helplessness. If you can't beat them, join them and take pictures so that your children can later mock you. This is what we call "preparing for future generations".

Quote of the Day:

"Where else in the world can you combine white leather cowboy boots, stockings, fur-lined short shorts and a Mickey Mouse tube top and have that be acceptable?"

-- a text I received from Kaare

Friday, 13 March 2009


Of all the bloody useless things to waste my time on, do you want to know what I did today? I spent a solid twenty minutes staring at my Microsoft Excel spreadsheet trying to figure out how I could puzzle piece my info-boxes together to fit on one, printable and aesthetically pleasing page.

Twenty minutes of my life.

I need a career change.

Or sex.

Probably both.

Quote of the Day:

"He's got a soft muffin in there somewhere."
-- Kaare on Niklas's bird-muffin-horse name