Saturday, 14 March 2009

Fashions With No Fashion

What's worse than speedos?

The collective fashion of the entire country of China.

Minus Shanghai, obviously. One pair of jeans in Shanghai is worth more than a pair of fake breasts anywhere else. You don't even want to know the price of fake breasts.

But other than that, the fashion of this country is beyond astounding. Take, for instance, Mickey Mouse. Yes, you read that right, Mickey Mouse. Now what's wrong with him? Jeeze, I dunno. Why don't you ask the 44-year old business woman over there who's wearing a pair of stilettos emblazoned with his visage? She doesn't see anything wrong with him. Neither does the Disney Store Lingerie Shop. No, I'm not joking. How happy would you be to strip a woman down only to find Goofy staring back at you?

Now, I'm not usually one for rhetorical questions, but I'm sure you've come to realize that this rant is full of them. It's the thing we like to call 'elicitation' in Wall Street English jargon. It basically means that we try to get people to think for themselves, partly because it helps them learn better and partly because we're lazy.

Now, isn't this what we tried to do by initiating a Vogue China, a Cosmopolitan China, a GQ China, a Flare China? Didn't we say, "Hey China, you seem to have organized yourself fairly well over the last ten years, I bet that you'll be able to come out with some amazing fashions if we just leave you to your own devices!"


Point in case, glasses with no glasses. Again, I'm not joking.

Now...wait a minute...can you hear it? What's that sound? Is that the sound of my soul screaming in defeat and shame? Why yes, yes it is.

Yup, that's me wearing glasses with no glass.

The look on my face is one of utter helplessness. If you can't beat them, join them and take pictures so that your children can later mock you. This is what we call "preparing for future generations".

Quote of the Day:

"Where else in the world can you combine white leather cowboy boots, stockings, fur-lined short shorts and a Mickey Mouse tube top and have that be acceptable?"

-- a text I received from Kaare


Anonymous said...

Man...and I thought Japan had some weird fashion... A baggy t-shirt, 2 belts, a mini skirt, knee length leggings, wool socks, and bright yellow high-heels were a shock when seen on the same person. Sounds like China is no better :P

samantha said...

Ahahaha. Something about a country that has made a fashion out of randomly assorted items intrigues me. I'm weary of the wannabe Holt Renfrew Haute Couture of Vancouver yuppies. Or the whole I got dressed in a dumpster this morning, I'm more green and cool then you are scenesters.

At least Asia sounds like there's a niche for individualism and creativity to thrive.

Angie Pants said...

@Sam: the words "individualism" and "creativity" are certainly not ones that I would have used to describe China under any normal circumstance.

But I think you may be right.

kaare.iverson said...

those panties disturb me so *want* but at the same time *sex crime*

FollowTheElephant said...

I'm not complaining about those boots that the girls wear.
However, it's really hard to teach a student when she's wearing bootyshorts with her legs splayed open.
Vagina attacks = Porn, not fashion.

The Gypsy said...

I'm with Iverson on this one...

Does everyone still wear playboy stuff?